never again (m)

I come from a long line of underachievers.  Of my 40 first cousins, only 4 of us went to college.  My two brothers and I represent 75% of the college segment in our family.

I credit my mother for giving us the drive to achieve.  She would drill us in math (she could do percentages in her head even when she was 85 years old); read to us every night; and would stand sentry at the door waiting to see our report cards on the day they were distributed.  I remember coming home from first semester in high school with my grades and showing her all As and one A-.  What I missed on the report card was a metric that was new to me: rank in class.  I was 2nd out of 143 kids.  "Who's first?" she asked.  "How do I know who's first if I didn't even know I was second?" I replied.  Believe me, I found out who was first the next day (Cathy M) and had a bullseye on her back for the next 7 semesters.  I graduated first in my class.

My cousins think my achievement in work has to do with luck.  My brother, J, once wore a tee shirt to a barbecue that said, "The Harder I Work, the Luckier I Get."  I'm surprised no one threw him in in the grill.

My relatives think I have all these connections in the business world.  "Can you get Dave a job?" they'll ask.  I want to say even the Messiah can't help Dave.  But, of course, I give it a try.

Dave is a particularly tough case.  He had some addiction problems and was arrested for possession.  Your basic nightmare from a Human Resources perspective.  On the other hand, he is brilliant, particularly in Information Technology. 

A few months ago, an acquaintance--Wayne-- asks me if I can make a connection for him with my former company.  I politely explain that I no longer know anyone there and can't even get my own cousin a job.  He tells me he may have some work for my cousin (they are in the same industry). 

I talk to my husband about this.  My husband first tells me to stay out of it.  A month later, my husband--perhaps feeling magnanimous--says it's low risk.  Wayne, after all, has a kid with problems like Dave.  Besides, Dave has cleaned up.  Give him a chance.

Would you like to see the cover letter Dave sends to Wayne?  All-righty, here you go (it's copied exactly as it was written, including the ridiculously small font):

From: dave
Date: July 30, 2012 4:07:32 PM EDT
To: wayne
Subject: Re: hi

Hi Wayne my name is Dave i am M's cousin any help willbe gratly appreciated.

A subject line of hi?  One misspelled run-on sentence with typos, no punctuation, and a reference to me by an initial?    Are you sh-tting me?

I call Dave and tell him this is unacceptable.  I read him the riot act.  I tell him to shape up.

Today, Dave has an interview with Wayne's company.  I called Dave last night to give him a pep talk, find out what he was planning to wear, prep him with some questions.  I offered to drive him to the interview so he wouldn't have to worry about getting lost (he has no GPS). I went to bed feeling optimistic.  Wouldn't it be great if he got a job?  He is running out of money.  I feel for the kid.

At 10:15 a.m. today, I get copied on an email from Wayne, addressed to Dave.  

Dave-

You had an interview at 10 a.m. today.  You should have told me about this and you are late.  Come by and see me when you get here.

Wayne

If I had found pictures on the internet of my husband naked, I could not have felt worse.  The bile rises  to my mouth. WTF?

Wayne sends me an email an hour later saying the HR manager tracked Dave down through his brother, who said Dave was in an accident but is okay and in bed.  Apparently too injured to call.

Wayne seems placated by this.  I'm suspicious.  I call Dave and he tells me he got caught up with a few  other things.

Never again.

I'm done.