separation anxiety (m)

When the kids were little, they each went through a phase when they would get all anxious whenever I would leave for a period of time.  Going to work in  the morning was traumatic as they'd cry.  Putting them down in their beds at night and going across the hall...they'd cry.  Going into the bathroom to take a shower....they'd cry.

As they got older, they understood that I would come back and they stopped crying whenever I left the room.

Sam stopped at a younger age.  While Harrison stopped crying, he still found ways to be clingy...sitting in my lap, hugging my neck for dear life.

Even when I drove them to school in the mornings, Harrison would fight to sit in the front seat just so he could hold my hand all the way to school.  This went on for years.

I have been Harrison's constant companion at every major skating event in his life.  I remember following him around a hotel room in Lake Placid right before a competition, bucket in hand while he had the dry heaves he was so nervous.

I was there at every regional, sectional and national championship.  I was schlepping around  the mountains of Gardena, Italy and Courchevel, France.  I was there in Romania, waving the US flag, cheering him on.

A few weeks ago, he was selected to represent the US in Croatia.  He came home and surprised all of us by saying he wanted to go alone to this competition.  I was stunned.  Parents at the rink advised against this.  His coaches asked him to re-consider.  He insisted he go solo saying he was ready and felt it was the right thing to do.  I think the fact that his peers from school have gone off to college and he is taking a gap year has something to do with his burning desire for independence.

I agreed to let him go alone.  My husband never looked back from the decision.  I had second thoughts and called the sports psychologist.

Harvey--he wants to go alone to Croatia.  What do you think? I asked.

"Let him do it. He's a big boy.  He is beginning to separate."

This was a long, anxiety-filled week for me.   Lost without my kids, I went to New York for a fix to see Sam.  Harrison texted occasionally to say eveything was fine.  He was sleeping well and practicing well.  I checked my phone regularly for texts but they were few and far between.  I saw pictures of him on the internet and read his blog which he did for the whole US Team.  I got my information that way.

Today, at 3 p.m. he took to the ice for the biggest competition in his life, an international junior grand prix.   I was home, sitting by the computer, awaiting the posting of the results, praying for a good skate.

Ten minutes later, the results came up.  He skated his personal best and won the bronze medal.

My baby has grown up.

Guess who is having separation anxiety now?