root canal (m)

They say 20% of people have 80% of all dental problems.

I am one of those people.

When I was a kid, I had 27 cavities.  This was during the time when Crest ran its most famous ad with a kid running home waving a dental report card screaming: "Look, Ma, no cavities!"  I used Crest.  I came home from the dentist with my brothers who ran ahead of me and said, "Look, Ma, M has 27 cavities!"

My mother was a fanatic about dental hygiene.  She made us brush three times a day.  I even brushed my tongue and my lips.  We rinsed with that god-awful original scent Listerine. I even had red dye pellets to chew to see if I had done a thorough job brushing my teeth.  If the red stuck to your teeth, you had to keep cleaning.  The red didn't stick to my teeth, but I'm sure I have a stomach full of Red Dye #2 that might bite me on the ass in years to come.

When flossing became popular, I was among the first to floss.  My brothers and I were so religious about flossing that one of my brothers impressed upon his fiancee the need to floss.  After she married my brother, she went for a routine check-up and looked at the hygienist's notes in her record and was amused to see the short-hand version of the write-up:  "Husb. makes her f. every day."

In 2007, I had extensive dental work.  Five implants, three root canals, two crowns, one skin graft.  It was an 18-month ordeal.  I made 36 trips to the dentist during this period.

Since that time, I've gone in for regular cleanings 3 times per year.  Insurance only pays for two cleanings at six-month intervals but, to me, there was no better way to spend $150.

The one thing I refused to do each year was get x-rays.  I feel like Karen Silkwood with all the head radiation I've had during my years at the dentists' offices.  However, after 5 years, I relented.

Hygienist:  Um, does this tooth hurt?
Me: No
Hygienist: Very interesting.  Not at all?
Me: Well, I feel pressure there but I don't feel pain or sensitivity to hot or cold. Why?
Hygienist: Because you have a bad infection there.  Must have been there for a while.
Me: What do you mean awhile?
Hygienist: Could be years.

Beeyootiful.

Yesterday, I went to the dentist to have the root canal.  He had to drill through the crown to get to the root.  I had three needles-full of Novocaine.  My mouth was propped open for two hours.  I am so used to this that I almost fell asleep in the chair except for the fact that my Taiwanese dentist talks to me the entire time about figure skating.

When I went to pay, he walked me to the receptionist and told her to give me a good discount as, "She my sister."  The woman looks at me, then at him and I say, "Yes, I'm his sister. We have different fathers."

I got a 25% discount.  It took some of the sting out of the ordeal.